What is it like to be adopted?

“We were at a theme park when you were born,” my mom begins.“They announced over the loudspeaker that I had a phone call, and the next evening I was holding you in my arms.”This is how I became adopted in the eyes of my mom.“We were adopting your sister, and were expecting her a month later.You were a complete surprise.”

That’s me.I was a surprise and a blessing to a family who wanted kids, but were unable to have their own. I have always known I was adopted, in fact, I always thought it was pretty cool.My younger sister and I used to tell everyone we are six weeks and four days apart, and giggle at the look on their face as they tried to figure it out.Being a part of the family was never a question for me, but I always wondered where I really came from.

People used to tell me I don’t really look like either of my sisters.Well duh.My older Sister, Martha, has curly dark hair and blue eyes (much like my dad actually); my younger sister, Emily, has blonde hair and green eyes (similar to my mom).Me?I have auburn hair and hazel eyes.And I’m covered in freckles.I like the way I look, don’t get me wrong.I love that I am a fiery red-head, with the freckles and personality that comes with it.That’s the only heritage I have at this point.It bothered me, however, when I could see myself being singled out in other people’s eyes.

Emily

As a teenager, Emily acquired a photo of her mother taken from an old high school yearbook.I remember that she used to carry it around like it was a government issued I.D. card.Her mom was beautiful.Her hair was so blonde and pretty, her eyes sparkled and her smile was so familiar to me that it made me want to smile back.She looked just like my little sister, and that made me hope to meet her someday.

Emily asked our mom a couple of times about her birth mother.She was provided with a lot of information because the adoption had been arranged so far in advance, that both moms got to know each other quite well.Not only was she given information, she knew the information to be true (which is important and I will get to that in a bit).Emily was provided with names of both of her parents, and with that she opened a phone book and called her biological aunt.She was immediately directed to her mother that she visits often, even to this day.Upon meeting her birth mother and getting to know her, she learned that not only does she look just like her mother, but also that her mother was unable to have any more children after Emily was born.Emily would never have had sibling had she not been adopted.She is still my best friend, and the only person I could relate to in this situation, being that Martha just wasn’t interested in knowing anything about her heritage.

Martha

Martha didn’t care much about where she came from.She had been adopted as a newborn, and because of health issues between her parents, was put back up for adoption by that family.She never had much to say about it when I would ask her; she was perfectly content not knowing anything.I found out years later that she flew out to where she was born and actually met the first family to adopt her.I don’t know how that went, but she doesn’t seem to be affected by it in any way.I know my sisters, and I know when they are upset.She was genuinely fine with it and that has always puzzled me.

My Adoptive Parents

My mom wanted to adopt four kids.A few years after Emily was born, my parents got a phone call from their lawyer about another baby girl needing a home.My mom was ready to jump into the car, but my dad wasn’t up to having another baby.My mom immediately called my aunt and uncle who adopted Gabi right away.My aunt was pregnant at the time she was born, so Gabi, also, has a little sister only a couple months younger than she is.

Gabi

Gabi was always interested in finding her mother also, and as an adult she did.She was very excited about meeting her and getting to know her, but unfortunately, things didn’t go so well.She left her one and only visit with her biological family and never turned back (I just found out that Gabi’s mom is coming to her wedding, so maybe things can turn back around).

Roberta

When I asked my adopted mom about my birth mother there wasn’t much information for me. Apparently, as the somewhat recalled story goes, I was a drug baby, abandoned at the hospital and that was it.Was it true? I found papers regarding my adoption, while rummaging through my dad’s desk one day.These were original copies of the filings from my adoption.On these papers, I found my mother’s name at the time I was born, and the address the lawyers had on file for her.I found an order for abandonment with the finalization of the adoption.Abandonment.So what am I supposed to think about that?

Me

Here’s the story I know.My mother was a young drug addict who had no prenatal care.She, also, was adopted and told that if she had me she would be disowned.Upon giving birth to me, she refused to look at me and asked the doctor to find me a home.After that she just left.Not another word.

The nurse that had assisted in my birth knew my parents somehow and immediately placed a call to them.Come to find out, she had to diligently search for them, being that I had not been reported yet to the state.That’s when my parents did, in fact, receive a phone call at the theme park.

I have been told that it took the lawyers months to track my birth mother.I was also told that she hitch-hiked her way to Oregon and didn’t have a place to live.Is any of this true?There seems to be no good way to find out. That’s why it was so important that Emily knew her information to be true.

So where does any of this leave me?I still don’t know.I am the product of an adopted child who wishes to know more, and has spent years searching.I Love my family more than anything, but I always felt like there was something missing.

I have spent a lot of time looking for answers I can’t even fathom questions for.These hours have placed me on websites that allow family members to register themselves as open to finding people.They then place your name on a list that other people may or may not come across and search that list for your name.I wasted my time doing this all over the internet, and have had no results.I have had a difficult time locating my birth certificate, the lawyer that handled the adoption has gone out of business and so has the hospital where I was born.I have registered on classmates.com, rummaged through yearbooks of surrounding schools at and around the time I was born, and although I may have found small leads, it continues to be a battle both inside and out.Not only do I struggle daily with a search for someone with very little information to go off of, but I worry about what she will think if I do find her.How will she react?Does she have family, do they know about me, do I have siblings and so on.These are very scary questions to have no answer to.However, the scariest question of all is whether or not she is still alive.This would seem like an impossible bump in the road and I would have to figure out a new approach at that time.

Currently I have 3 beautiful daughters and a very supportive husband.Although I never really felt like I was necessarily in the right place (happy as I was), I found home as I created my own branch of whatever family tree I am part of.

Over the past years I have learned a lot about what it really means to be adopted.I have searched the internet for answers to a question I couldn’t even understand.Ultimately, I learned that my being adopted has nothing to do with me.This took a long time to actually believe.The reality is that I had nothing to do with any of it.It was a poor situation for two people, and in the darkness and confusion of the world they were able to find each other.Their paths never directly crossed, but mine took a turn that connected them.